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It took a long time
for us to conceive so we decided to try IVF. After one round, we were
thrilled to get the phone call from my doctor’s office telling us that we
were pregnant. We couldn’t have asked for a better gift for our five-year
wedding anniversary, which was that same day. Despite knowing the
uncertainty of the first trimester, we were very excited and shared our
good news with many friends and members of our family.
The first trimester came to an end and I had already
transitioned over from my infertility doctor to an OB group that came
highly recommended to me. I liked all of the doctors in the group and
after going through IVF, which is very invasive and time consuming, my
visits to the OBs were a piece of cake.
We were very excited for the twenty-week ultrasound –
we wanted to make sure everything was okay with the baby and of course,
find out the gender. Everything looked good on the sonogram; it confirmed
the baby’s good health and also showed that we would be having a boy! My
husband called me later that afternoon and asked what I thought about the
name, Jake. I loved it, so we started calling the baby by his new name.
I continued to have very good pregnancy and all routine
tests showed favorable results. Aside from the heartburn and big belly, I
couldn’t believe how easy pregnancy was compared to getting pregnant! We
decorated the nursery, had baby showers and were in the homestretch at
thirty-six weeks.
We went to bed for the night and I woke up at 1 AM
feeling a huge gush. I thought it was weird that my water broke with four
weeks to go, “but hey,” I thought, “we’re going to have our baby!” We
turned on the lights and to our horror, I was lying in a pool of blood.
We were scared, and despite knowing the situation was serious, we thought
Jake would be okay. We rushed to the ER, where they gave me an emergency
C-section. When I woke up I kept asking about the baby. The
neonatologist told me that Jake had to be resuscitated and transfused.
The time between which he lost his blood and was born was a little under
an hour. It took over fourteen minutes to revive him. I couldn’t stop
crying.
All of Jake’s organs recovered except for his brain.
The initial MRI and EEG showed massive damage and abnormal activity. He
was also having seizures. The only part of his brain that was working was
a portion of his brain stem. He could breath on his own, but not suck or
swallow. He would lead a life confined to a bed and need a feeding tube.
He would never walk, talk, or formulate a thought. That picture is very
pretty compared to everything else the doctors told me. We had to make a
very difficult choice; we couldn’t put Jake through any more torture and
expect him to live a life of just survival.
Jake went on to live for a total of three weeks. I
visited him everyday at the hospital. I changed his diapers, bathed him,
and held him constantly. Every time I saw him, I agonized over the fact
that his time here was very limited. He never cried or fussed. He was a
beautiful little doll baby that could breathe and look at me.
My obstetricians were very dismissive about what
happened to Jake. They said things like, “this is a fluke,” “it’s so
rare,” and “even if we knew about it, nothing could have been done to save
him.” They knew I had conceived by IVF, yet they never looked at Jake’s
umbilical cord. My wish is to change those attitudes and the standard of
care. We are thankful for the time we had with Jake and we miss him
so very much.
~ Jenna and Scott Steckler,
parents to ^i^ Jake Matthew |
